Trevor Space is a monitored youth-friendly site where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth ages 13 to 24 can connect with other young people throughout the world, and can get involved in their local LGBT communities.
As a serial monogamist who has never used any dating apps or sites, I am consistently intrigued by this world so many of my friends and community inhabit; the viral space where they connect with each other in the hopes of finding a hook-up, a girlfriend, maybe even a wife.
This made me curious about the way queer women use apps like Tinder and HER and if we are, in essence, doing the same things in the way that we specify “no butches,” “feminine women only,” “no ghetto chicks” and other statements in order to ward off prospective partners who we don’t see as “our type.” “I have seen apps/sites that allow you to specify ethnicity, race, weight preference, etc.,” says Lauren Hamilton, a frequent dating app user. I don’t want to waste time sending a message to a woman who prefers skinny, white women when I am certainly not that.”I asked the founder of HER, Robyn Exton, how many women specify the kind of appearance they are looking for in their profiles.“It’s a much smaller percentage than you might imagine,” she said.
“On profiles, it only appears 0.3% of the time with people explicitly stating what it is they are looking for.
In the social feed section of the app, it comes up 0.5% of the time, people looking to chat or hang out with people of a similar type.
“Friends who I polled on this gave me examples where it seems that the most common physical appearance statements are made about height (mostly noting how tall they are, but sometimes adding “no short girls”), and often what their hair currently looks as if it isn’t represented in their photos.
He might not know how to react to what you shared, and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.“When creating a profile, it also allows you to be incredibly specific and caters to every need.Ah, the joys of having a new crush; falling in love; “like-liking” someone; double-tapping every Instagram photo they have; awkwardly making eye contact with them in the school hallway. It’s totally normal to be attracted physically, romantically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually to other people, and we want you to know… It can be confusing and even frustrating sometimes when you can’t make sense of your emotions, but it’s perfectly normal to like people who have the same gender as you.Keep in mind that just because you have a crush on your friend doesn’t mean you have to take action on it. How would you like to spend your time together, if you were a couple?
Instead of talking to her about it, it might be safer to explore what drew you to her in the first place: What do you like about her? Are there certain things she says or does that make you happy?
For LGBTQ youth who are in the closet – that means not being “out" about the kind of people they are attracted to – finding someone to talk to about their crushes can be tricky. How might she react if you told her about your crush?